Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Grandfather's Day


We spent some time on Balboa Island the week before Father's Day with my whole family. My great-grandmother bought a place there years ago. My dad spent vacations there during his growing up years, as did I - fishing (that's me in the photo at age 7), learning to sail, making drip castles in the sand.

It had been many years since I had spent any time there. It felt good to be back.

Somehow, my dad convinced my 11 year old son to get up at zero-dark-thirty to go out fishing. Actually, I don't think it took much convincing - he was eager to go in spite of his ambivalence toward fish.

I wrote this as a Father's Day gift to the grandfather of my son:

You have to get up early
to catch the good ones.

The sun barely begins to lighten the sky
and you are already underway,
motor humming as you maneuver under the bridge
and head for the jetty.

The boy at your side doesn't like fish,
for eating or for touching -
and he's not so sure about catching -
but he knows he likes his Grandpa enough
to sacrifice sleep for an adventure on the water with him.
And with fish.



You send the lure flying
and pass the rod to the boy.
He spins the reel slowly, a picture of concentration,
bracing for the tell-tale tug on the line.

It comes -
anticipated but not quite expected -
and soon there's a live wriggly one
at the side of the boat.
You admire the fine specimen together
and send it back into the water.



An hour passes and a half-dozen more
have been inspected and released.
The boy is silently relieved that none of them
are quite long enough to bring home for a fishy breakfast.



You slide into shore,
returning the boat to its moorings.
The boy has a lot to say,
but the love he feels remains unspoken.

The day's catch swims free out by the jetty,
but the memory of an early morning
on the water with Grandpa -
that's a keeper.


I feel deep gratitude for heritage and for memories, and most of all for a father who loves my son and shows it.


Monday, September 1, 2008

Commitment

Early on in their marriage, my sister-in-law asked her husband "Why do you love me?" After a thoughtful pause, he replied "Because I'm committed to you."

I think she felt some initial disappointment at his answer. Maybe she was looking for some compliment like "You're beautiful" or "You're the smartest woman I know" or "You're so good to me".

She soon realized the depth of his answer. It meant that his love did not depend on how she looked, or what she knew, or even how she behaved. His love for her was rooted in commitment. He loved her for her and forever.

He still does.

I'm not sure it matters so much which comes first - love or commitment - but at some point you need both. There are plenty of examples of arranged marriages where the initial commitment blossomed into love. And plenty of counter examples where feelings of love never quite matured into commitment.

Even contemplating the decision to be married to one person forever can be terrifying. I know it felt too big for me to comprehend when it was my turn to make the decision. I took the leap because I knew she was good for me and because I felt peaceful and right about it. But did I know what I was getting into? Not really.

I think part of what makes the leap of faith into marriage so unnerving comes from the feeling that love may be something we can't control. What if we fall out of love? Will our love be strong enough to endure hard times?

I draw comfort from the understanding that commitment, which I can control, is at least as powerful a force in my marriage as love is.

I have found that both love and commitment have grown deeper along the way.

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